Tall tales
I know this couple. They’re both tall. Like, real tall. She’s 5’11” and he’s 6’8”. It’s fascinating to see people react to them. Especially to him, because while the reactions can be fearful, there’s nothing intimidating about him. He’s a white man who is kind and funny and curious. He dresses in a stylish, professional manner. The same could be said of his hairstyle. He has a deep and easy laugh and is a joy to be around. But he’s 6’8”, and that does something to people — especially men.
Whenever I’ve seen my friend walk into a public place, every man in the room straightens up. Like, their collective postures suddenly improve. It’s as though there’s a race to be the tallest and my friend’s entrance is simultaneously the starter pistol and the finish line.
My friends both have bizarre and funny stories about interacting with these height-stunned sorts. My favorite was told by her:
So, they walk up to this guy behind a counter to ask him something, but he cuts them off to ask how tall my friend is. My friend politely responds, “6’8”,” to which the clerk replies, in all seriousness, “Yeah. I’m kinda tall, too.”
But he wasn’t. At all.
My 5’11” friend, she was pretty surprised by this response. She was so surprised, in fact, that she looked incredulously at the clerk and flat-out told him, “No, you’re not. I’m taller than you.”
When I first heard that story, I just couldn’t imagine what kind of weird-ass, giant, delusional ego somebody would have to have to publicly state an obvious falsehood directly to those to whom that falsehood is the most obvious. You know, it’s one thing to think it. But it’s totally another thing to lie to someone who you know knows you’re lying, and expect them to go along with it just for the sake of — what? — your feelings, I guess? I don’t know. I don’t really get it.
Of course, this happened years ago, well before we all witnessed this same behavior, on an almost daily basis, by an actual President of the United States. Even now, though, it’s still pretty weird, and I’m still not used to it. Like, when the governor says, “Black people come up the highway and they kill Mainers,” or any other delusional, racist bullshit, it’s not surprising anymore, but it still shocks me, if only a little bit.
And when I read Alex Lear’s story in The Forecaster last month about recent comments made by Cumberland Town Councilor George Turner, I was a little shocked.
During a Town Council meeting last month, Turner said a lack of diversity was one of the reasons Maine has a low crime rate. He later clarified his statement in an e-mail to the reporter. And by “clarified,” I mean he did the usual racist semantic dance, but he obfuscated so much that I think the tactic was actually to bore the reader into submission.
“I suggested that perhaps the lack of cultural diversity in Maine contributes to our lower crime rate,” Turner wrote. “It seems to me the relative lack of cultural diversity along with sparse population for a geographically large state lends itself to less opportunity for outright violent discord.
“By contrast,” he continued, “the denser populated areas of states, punctuated with large cities whose inhabitants often don’t identify much beyond their neighborhood, are more prone to clash. Such is my opinion; race and ethnicity have nothing to do with it.”
Holy shit, right? I mean, the guy’s implying that some “cultures” are inherently “outright violent,” which should be a compelling thing to read, but it’s just so profoundly boring. This has to be deliberate, because no one so nonsensical and hateful could be that boring by accident.
According to The Forecaster, Turner also said he’s “anything but” racist. Then he went on to say, “But,” followed by the same old bullshit and racist drivel that always follows that conjunction.
In the end, Turner can say whatever he wants as boringly as he wants to say it. He can say, “I’m not racist, but…” He can say culturally diverse people are coming up the highway to kill Mainers. He can even say he’s kinda tall, too. And he can believe all of it.
It doesn’t matter. It’s not about him anymore. It’s now about the people of Cumberland. No matter what he says, they know how tall he really is. They deserve better, and I hope they choose better the next time he’s up for election.
Samuel James is an internationally renowned bluesman and storyteller, as well as a locally known filmmaker. He can be reached at racismsportland@gmail.com.
