illustration/Ryan Maher
Once there was a monkey who would see but not do. This monkey was a tremendous source of disappointment to his parents. “Son,” they would admonish, “don’t you realize it is our heritage, part of our species’ identity, to both see and do?”
But the monkey paid them no mind. His sole interest was in the process of observation. He had spent much of his young life honing his skill until very few monkeys were more observant than he. The doing part, this monkey felt was beneath his abilities, as it required no particular skill for an ape to, well, ape something.
“But what could be more foundational for an ape?” asked his parents, truly unable to understand their son’s behavior. “You might as well be one of those retiring species, camouflaged in the background of the jungle,” they’d add. “But that is not the lot of monkeys. We monkeys call attention to ourselves. We are not philosophers or intellectuals. We see, and we do. That is the nature of our being.”
“I am not going to base my behavior on someone else’s perceived hereditary convention,” replied the son. And on and on it went like this.
One day the monkey was engaged in his usual pastime of hide and watch. He observed his fellows acting out at the waterhole, seemingly enjoying their public show. Truth be told, the monkey envied his peers’ lack of self-awareness. Don’t they know how foolish they look? he wondered, as the monkeys tumbled about and chattered, had play fights and play rapprochements, then groomed themselves and one another and did it all over again. Is this all of my life, here on display in front of me? he asked himself. Is this what I have to look forward to?
Then the observant monkey became aware of another monkey nearby who also seemed to be hanging back and watching the hijinks at the waterhole. He knew this monkey’s name was Gerald, but not being a particularly social sort, the monkey was unsure whether to approach him.
So Gerald jumped onto the branch next to this shy monkey. “Look at that bunch of buffoons!” Gerald said. “I can’t imagine how many of them it would take to write Shakespeare, with or without a computer.”
“My parents say I should just get used to it and accept my hereditary fate,” the monkey said glumly. “And what is a computer?”
“A computer is a box full of opinions,” explained Gerald. “Some of them are correct and notable, but just as many are the opposite. The computer gives warnings, but only half are reliable.”
“What kind of warnings?” asked the monkey.
“Well, for instance, the computer might say lions are around, so be careful. But you don’t know if the warning is being given by the monkeys or the lions.”
“Why would lions do something like that?”
“If the lions say they are coming but they don’t, then the monkeys will start ignoring the warnings as unreliable,” said Gerald. “Then one day the lions actually do come and catch the monkeys unprepared.”
The observant young monkey was impressed. “Did you think of this all by yourself?” he asked.
“I have spent much of my life in reflection,” Gerald replied.
“Please, Gerald,” said the monkey. “I am so unhappy. The life of tomfoolery, idleness and irresponsible aping that I see all around me is so uninviting. Can you help me find a better way? Is there a better way?”
“I can sum up what I have learned in just a few sentences,” Gerald told him. “But I’m not sure you’ll be happy with my conclusions.”
“Please, Gerald,” the monkey said again.
“Alright, here goes,” Gerald began. “Life is treacherous and short. There is a lion, real or imagined, behind every tree. There are jackals, hyenas, poisonous snakes. There is drought, famine to offset every plenty. There are unfaithful spouses and ungrateful children, nosy neighbors and fleas. Your death will be messy and painful. So find good times where and when you can. To know more about the world is also to know more about pain. It’s not worth it. Enjoy your monkeyshines while you can. You come by your inheritance honestly.”
“I’m sorry it was so important for you to know this,” Gerald added, already two trees away.
“I’m sorry, too,” the monkey said to no one.
