Cherries on top
Is Portland a hipster mecca? While the wealth of foolish foodies and stylish idiots certainly invites such speculation, I indulge the fantasy that behind the sheen and bluster Portland is still a crusty little sea town where wheelchair-stranded anarchists and moneyless philosophers fit right in.
My financial straitjacket has actually freed me to engage alternate paths of being and meaning. This asceticism has made me narrow my focus and edit out a lot of the bullshit that people love to get themselves tangled in. On March 31, this perpetual search brought me to Empire. The fact that I am wheelchair-bound and have to ascend a flight of stairs to hear the music makes the prize that much sweeter.
The first set was vocalists Sarah Violette and Renée Coolbrith playing pass the mic while Kenya Hall played DJ. I have a crush on all three ladies, so I found it especially taxing to comport myself, and during one song they had a cameo by a rising star of the Portland music scene, Janay Woodruff. For the next set, Kenya abandoned the turntables and assumed her rightful place in front of the microphone with the Kenya Hall Band. The band’s energy was volcanic, and Kenya’s exceptional presence melted the guardrails that people tend to build around themselves. The last set was by Ock Cousteau (Jay Caron and Mike Be of Educated Advocates), who delivered a shark attack of fast, sharp rapping with a nautical theme. This is Maine, after all.
When the show was over, Reginald Groff and I drove up to his brother’s house on Munjoy Hill so he could hide a bunch of Easter eggs for his nieces and nephews. Because Easter landed on April Fool’s Day this year, he filled the plastic eggs with grapes, baby carrots and broccoli. Once all the treasure was hidden, Reggie and I went to Denny’s for munchies and late-night zombie chess. Doing a Denny’s restaurant review may be beneath some writers, but fortunately I am not among them!
Denny’s is the Northeast’s version of the roadside eateries in the South and Midwest that stay open 24/7. Back in my hitchhiking days, Denny’s and Waffle House were a welcome sight at three in the morning. Also, playing chess at Denny’s past the hours of polite society invites a refreshing devil-may-care acceptance of life. Being a junk-food junkie, I gladly indulge in the pancake specials and ice cream shakes. Denny’s won’t impress your beloved (or your doctor), but if you’re looking for an all-night joint that will fill your belly and not break the bank, swing by the Denny’s on outer Congress Street or Brighton Ave. and let go of your pretensions.
On the other end of the restaurant scale is Nosh, the hip eatery in the heart of downtown. I went on a Tuesday last month and, though the menu is very meat-oriented, I was able to scout some sexy nachos that didn’t offend my vegetarian sensibility. They came loaded with veggies and nacho cheese, so I dove in like a hog at the trough. I hadn’t eaten in a while, so I followed the nachos with a Betty Ford Brownie Sundae that almost killed me in a fit of torturous ecstasy. There were ’80s tunes playing, which automatically puts me in a celebratory mood, and when the big, square bowl arrived filled with ice cream and extras, I felt like the King of the World. The ice cream was topped with a Betty Ford Brownie/Chocolate Chip Cookie and had four towers of whipped cream on the corners of the dish, each topped with a maraschino cherry nipple that brought back memories of my childhood crush on Madonna! Despite my notoriously expansive appetite, I was unable to defeat this defiant dish and had to wave the white flag of surrender. I vigorously recommend this sundae, but advise that you approach it with an empty belly.
Cinematically, April was a slow month for me, but I did see Ready Player One, directed by Steven Spielberg. In typical Spielberg fashion, the movie was thick on the visuals but thin on texture. I found it a stultifying spooge-fest mired in the usual tropes. It’s set in the dystopian doomscape of Columbus, Ohio, circa 2045. Most people live in a VR wonderland called The OASIS that acts as a distractive antidote to the impoverished reality of life. Plot-wise, it’s a formulaic kids’ movie with a cornucopia of cultural references, mostly from the ’80s. Freak as I am for ’80s music, even I soon grew tired of all the cultural tags. If you want a whiff of nostalgia, then by all means go see Ready Player One, but I’m afraid you will find no cherry on top of this messy dish of junk food. #DEMANDMORE
