The Taxing Merry-go-round
I’m all for higher taxes on millionaires. Because I’m not a millionaire.
I’m also for higher taxes on exorcists. Because I’m not one of those, either.
Furthermore, they can tax the shit out of competitive eaters, flash-mob organizers or underwear models, because I don’t expect to earn a cent in any of those occupations.
Like most people, I’m in favor of tax increases on everyone who meets one simple criterion: They aren’t me.
That’s hardly the limit of my selfishness. I’m also against tax breaks for anybody who isn’t a match for my DNA. Tax breaks are essentially tax hikes on those who don’t qualify for them. For instance, my property tax bill is significantly higher because churches are tax-exempt. But churches require the same expensive public services that I do. Their worshippers use the roads and expect them to be paved and plowed. They dump their trash and recyclables at the town transfer station. They’re protected by, in addition to God, the municipal police and fire departments.
Sure, they don’t send kids to local schools, but neither do I. They aren’t burdening the welfare system, but I’m not either. The municipal golf course is of no use to them, but the same is true for me. Yet, I have to pay for that stuff and they don’t.
You may think I’m ignoring the tax break I get because I own a house. It’s called the Homestead Exemption, and it shields a small amount of the assessed value of my home from property taxes. But the town gets reimbursed for that lost revenue by the state, which uses money I paid it in other taxes to cover the money I didn’t pay in property taxes. It’s a wash. And if the state reimbursement doesn’t alleviate the town’s shortfall, my elected leaders just jack up the tax rate to cover the deficit. So, I’m still paying.
Likewise, I’m unhappy with tax breaks for business, such as tax increment financing, which allows new or expanding commercial operations to pay less in property taxes in return for creating jobs and eventually expanding the tax base. I’m much happier with businesses that pay upfront, rather than betting on jobs and an expanded tax base that may never materialize.
Then there’s BETR, which might stand for something like Business Extra Tax Refund (it doesn’t), which allows companies that invest in new equipment to avoid taxes because that new equipment will benefit the community in some unspecified (and possibly fictional) way.
These are just a few examples of the schemes the law employs to make my tax burden heavier. If the rich paid more and the various tax-avoidance schemes were abolished, my tax bill would be smaller. And I’d pay that reduced amount happily.
Just kidding. I’d still resent sending money I could use for beer, bacon or bourbon to Augusta. But I’d gripe about it less. Maybe.
Because when it comes to taxes, it’s not about how much I have to pay. It’s about who else isn’t paying enough. I’ve already admitted this is selfish, but it’s also the basis for sound public policy.
If everybody paid a reasonable share of the cost of government, without the carve outs, exceptions, exemptions, offshore tax havens, Trumpian scams and outright cheating, then keeping society’s essential infrastructure operating might be a more reasonable deal. We’d all feel like we were getting something close to our money’s worth.
Sorta. Well, OK, probably not.
One way to accomplish this change is to shift the government’s focus on taxing income to taxing consumption with a national sales tax or a value-added tax. This would hit the wealthy hardest because they buy more stuff. But it would be tough on the poor because what little they buy would be more expensive. I’ve previously suggested that low income people be given a tax break for the extra sales or value-added taxes they’d have to pay, but that just brings us back to the problem of tax breaks boosting taxes on everyone else.
Perhaps we’ll have to let the poor starve.
Just kidding. The churches can feed them, especially if we restore their tax-exempt status. And maybe we could offer a tax break to businesses that give decent jobs to low income folks. We could call the program BETTR, Better Eating Through Tax Reductions.
Before long, this new tax system would be caught up in all the foibles that plague the current setup. I’d still be paying more because other people would be paying less.
To prevent that, we’d need higher taxes on somebody.
Corpse embalmers? Works for me.
Doily manufacturers? Please hit them hard.
Sentient artificial-intelligence entities? We accept payment in crypto.
The bottom line may be that there is no fair way to tax folks. But that’s fine with me, so long as the unfairness falls on other people.
Al Diamon gets taxed on earnings from writing a monthly column for The Maine Sportsman and a weekly piece for the Bangor Daily News e-mail newsletter Maine Politics Insider. He can be e-mailed at aldiamon@herniahill.net.
