How DIY Psyops Can Save Our World
“I’m a spy / In the house of love / I know the dream / That you’re dreamin’ of / I know the word / That you long to hear / I know your deepest secret fear”
— The Doors, “The Spy”
This past summer I was listening to the podcast version of “God’s favorite radio show*,” This Is Hell!, a public-affairs program out of Chicago, when it dawned on me: the way we, the schlubs of the earth, can save the world!
Host Chuck Mertz was interviewing Reuters reporter Chris Bing, who’d recently co-authored, with Joel Schectman, a stunning exposé headlined, “Pentagon ran secret anti-vax campaign to undermine China during the pandemic.” From the spring of 2020 into the summer of 2021, our military conducted a clandestine psychological operation (psyop, for short) intended to cause millions of people living in Southeast and Central Asia, especially Muslims, to doubt the safety or efficacy of masks, personal protection equipment, COVID tests and vaccines made in China.
“Tailoring the propaganda campaign to local audiences,” the reporters found, “the Pentagon used a combination of fake social media accounts on multiple platforms to spread fear of China’s vaccines among Muslims at a time when the virus was killing tens of thousands of people a day.” Among the dirty tricks was playing up the fact some vaccines contain pork gelatin, which Islamic law forbids to enter the body.
I was sickened, but not shocked to learn of this. After hearing journalist Vincent Bevins on Chuck’s show and reading his 2020 book, The Jakarta Method: Washington’s Anticommunist Crusade & the Mass Murder Program that Shaped Our World, this psyop seemed like child’s play by comparison.
Here’s the part of Bing’s interview when the lightbulb popped on…
“Psychological operations are gonna be a bigger part of U.S. national security going forward,” Bing said. “Everyone that we had spoken to in senior positions felt that, in this Great Power competition with China, gray-zone conflict is the name of the game. Everyone sort of agrees that an all-out war would be disastrous; it would result in large human loss. And so we kind of exist in this odd moment in time where both countries are trying to compete with one another, no one is firing a bullet, so what does that look like? It appears to look like covert psychological influence operations going in all directions.”
Wow, I thought, this is fantastic news! Sure, World War III has begun, but it’s not being waged in comfortless jungles and bombed-out cities drained of their real estate value. The battlefields of this conflict are all inside human minds! It’s purely a war of ideas, and heck, I’ve got a bunch of those, maybe even a couple really good ones! I can’t shoot worth a damn, but I can write like a mofo. I’m gonna enlist!
Not in the U.S. military, of course. Their psyops game sucks and will end up killing us all.
Look at the anti-vax campaign just mentioned. In addition to being indiscriminately murderous and blatantly bigoted, the whole idea was cockamamy and bound to backfire, badly. The mission (allegedly) was to make people generally distrustful of China, but once exposed (and these taxpayer-funded schemes inevitably are), this psyop convinced millions of people across the world to distrust and hate us even more, and for a very good and valid reason. Plus, as was evident from the beginning of the pandemic, more COVID cases outside our borders means more COVID cases inside. Whoopsie!
No, I prefer the perspective of Paul Linebarger, the guy who literally wrote the textbook on psyops for our military, Psychological Warfare, in 1948.
In their revelatory new book, Stories Are Weapons: Psychological Warfare and the American Mind, science and fiction author Annalee Newitz writes of how, soon after the end of World War II and the horrifying dawn of the Nuclear Age, Linebarger got as jazzed about psyops as I did this summer, and for exactly the same reason.
“Psychological warfare is good for everybody,” Linebarger wrote, because, as Newitz explains, quoting him again, it’s “the affirmation of the human community against the national divisions which are otherwise accepted in war.”
Yes! This is, obviously, the only way to avoid our collective doom, be it from nuclear extinction, the next pandemic or the climate disaster currently in progress: global goodwill and cooperation rooted in the undeniable truth that we’re all on the same team — “one human family,” as the stickers of a grassroots psyop launched the first morning of this millennium still remind us (see onehumanfamily.info).
So here’s our mission, fellow armchair spies: design and execute covert pro-peace psyops to counter the pro-war ones all those government assholes are doing. I’m fully confident we’ll be victorious, because unlike war, oppression and suffering, our cause is fun! Also, we don’t stay in our armchairs and waste time with online influence campaigns to dupe stupid social media users, like the Russian ones a former Windham cop has been concocting in Moscow for years**. No, we rock in the real world.
The imaginary crap that divides us into opposing factions — politics, borders, nationalism, religions, racisms, economics — is powerful magic, but being imaginary, it melts away when exposed at close range to the white heat of life and love. We can watch these forces in action every day, if we avoid those crappy distractions and care to see one another as we really are: humanswho want a helping hand or a hug sometimes. And candy. Don’t forget candy.
For example, in the wake of natural disasters or, here in Maine, even a heavy snow, strangers selflessly and spontaneously help others with zero regard for any of that aforementioned bullshit. The daily news shows us how easily presidents, priests, police, five-star generals, nuclear scientists, CEOs … practically anyone can be persuaded to betray the vaunted institutions that give them power by the power of love (or lust — but hey, we’re not judging).
A major reason military tactics have become increasingly impersonal over the course of history — from swords to bombers to cyber attacks and psyops — is that it’s incredibly difficult to motivate a human to murder a stranger face to face. Even throwing a punch to defend or advance immaterial concepts like “national interests” is too much for most mature adults, which is why armies like ours draft children we otherwise don’t trust to wield a vape pen.
You’d think a generation raised on hyper-violent movies and video games would be psyched to fight the depersonalized techno wars of the 21st century. But even drone operators are decimated by the call of duty.
“Under unrelenting stress, people broke down,” New York Times reporter Dave Philipps observed in a 2022 story titled, “The Unseen Scars of Those Who Kill By Remote Control.” “Drinking and divorce became common. Some left the operations floor in tears. Others attempted suicide.”
There are no enemies to fight with our influence campaign, no other side, only beings who’ve reached varying levels of enlightenment and could use a little boost, plus a powerful few fools who claw for fame and fortune by promoting fictional divisions. The names of some of the worst offenders around here are conveniently listed on ballots being handed out all over Maine this month: Donald Trump, Kamala Harris, Angus King, Chellie Pingree, Jared Golden, that NASCAR dude…
But this is not a political campaign (remember, I said fun). We can keep treating politicians the same way they treat us — by ignoring everything they say and want us to do.
So how the hell do we pull this off?
Luckily, Linebarger, who also wrote wonderfully subversive sci-fi stories under pseudonyms, figured that out, too, and the simple answer, unsurprisingly, is kindness. These days our military calls this strategy “winning hearts and minds.” You earn the allegiance of the populace by convincing them you’re the good guy and you’re on their side. Being genuinely cool and anti-war gives our cause a huge strategic advantage, as does our vastly superior creativity.
“Linebarger believed that psyops should ideally be as appealing overseas as Hollywood movies were,” Newitz wrote. “He made fun of typical propaganda films for their clumsy patriotism and boring plotlines.”
The psyop ideas Linebarger suggested included missions like airdropping “a few hundred tons of well-counterfeited currency” into a war-torn country whose economy has collapsed, or providing fake IDs to people “suffering from too much policing.”
Newitz cites a modern example of this in the memoir Hearts and Mines, by U.S. psyop soldier Russell Snyder — a book our Army recommends to all its psyops students. Snyder, who served in Iraq in 2005, describes blaring the sound of fornicating felines through loudspeakers at night to unnerve insurgents and handing out propaganda leaflets by day that Iraqis took with “a look of polite acknowledgement I usually reserve for those who pass out unsolicited religious pamphlets in front of local shopping centers,” he wrote.
“The only psyop product that seemed to work was humanitarian aid,” Newitz summarized, then quoted Snyder again: “We used aid as a weapon to break the spirit of resistance and prove ourselves more capable than our enemy of providing life’s necessities.”
“The essence” of these kill-’em-with-kindness tactics, Linebarger wrote, “as of all good black propaganda, is to confuse the enemy authorities while winning the thankfulness of the enemy people — preferably while building up the myth within the enemy country that large, well-organized groups of revolutionists are ready to end the war when the time comes.”
Guess what: more great news! In the new psyop world war Bing described, there are large, well-organized groups of revolutionists ready to end it when the time comes — and that time, the bodhisattvas remind us, is always right now.
What follows are examples of psyops either proposed or already in progress. These are just a few of my half-baked ideas. Part of the strength and appeal of this op is that it’s leaderless, devoid of any formal members or organization that can be targeted and crushed by authorities. I encourage everyone who wants to outwit the warmongers to make up their own ops — there’s no wrong way to promote or practice peace and love. Assuming, of course, that unlike our governments, you actually want such things.
The Tippers
The Tippers is the broad term I’m using here for all psyop soldiers of goodwill, as in those who tip the civilized world back from the brink of destruction. But it’s also literal in its monetary sense, as in anyone who gives someone a little cash not because they’re legally required do so, but because they want that person to know they’re appreciated and to live their best life.
Tipping, conceived as a psyop, thus sneakily undermines the value of money by unfettering it from concepts like work. It tips off the receiver of the tip that strangers will support you regardless of your social status. Handing a homeless person pocket change at an intersection, donating to crowd-funding campaigns, drunk Venmo-ing late at night or any other act of direct, spontaneous charity can be considered an effective tactic of this psyop.
Heart Bandits
Here in Portland, we’ve informally adopted a do-it-yourself civilian psyop’s symbol as the entire city’s badge of honor: the big red heart. Since the 1970s, a shadowy group has prowled the streets in the pre-dawn hours of every Valentine’s Day, surreptitiously affixing sheets of paper printed with the heart symbol to doors, windows and windshields. The identity of one bandit, Kevin Fahrman, of Falmouth, was revealed last year by his family following his death, but Fahrman was only one of many.
This idea can easily be expanded and adapted to fit any number of occasions and expressions of subversive appreciation. To wit: rather than leave a nastygram on the windshield of the prick who parked too close to your passenger side door, leave ’em a disarming love letter saying something like, “I was gonna key your Tesla truck, but it really does look awesome and we deeply appreciate you doing your part to curb global warming, comrade!”
The Wild Florists/Free FTD
Anarchist grannies, wandering hippies and other green-thumbed insurgents regularly seed flowers on public and privately owned land solely for the sensory pleasure of passersby. Anytime you engage in this type of guerrilla gardening, you’re fighting the good fight. And it doesn’t have to be hilariously ironic, like the brave marijuana plant that sprouted from the landscaping in front of Portland Police headquarters a few years ago. But as any teen busted for partying in the woods knows, cops love free weed, and it’s in our collective best interest to encourage them to mellow out. See also the protest slogan, “Fuck the police — literally and lovingly.”
Aligned with The Wild Florists is the Free FTD, a rogue flower delivery service carried out by fleet-footed psyops agents who hand bouquets to strangers simply to make them feel loved, then split without a word or wink.
AAAAA
AAAAA (pronounced “Quintuple A”) is a combination of the famous road-service company and Alcoholics Anonymous unaffiliated with either group. There’s no need to call Quintuple A — we’ll find you, crying in the breakdown lane or swaying at the dive bar, way too wasted to drive. Our ace mechanics will fix your vehicle, gift you gas or coolant, drive you home and, as necessary, gently counsel you to make smarter decisions around drugs and alcohol. Agents of this psyop are already traveling the roads of Maine in unmarked vehicles and performing this vital work, but they welcome new recruits whenever the need arises. Bonus points for aiding anyone in a Tesla truck or an SUV with Trump bumper stickers or Calvin peeing on anything. Those bozos clearly need the most help.
The Christmas Callers
I can’t recall the exact year — must’ve been early to mid ’80s — but neither will I ever forget the Christmas Eve when the phone unexpectedly rang at my family’s suburban home in upstate New York. We’d just sat down to dinner and my dad got up to answer it. “Merry Christmas!” a British voice chimed from the receiver, and my amusedly befuddled father said the same. We overheard them pleasantly chat about the weather on our respective sides of the Atlantic and other niceties for a minute or two, then the call was over. Turns out it was just some jolly Englishman dialing random numbers in the old colonies to wish Yanks a happy holiday.
I need not explain the profound power of random calls like this. I’ll just encourage you to do the same this Christmas or any other day — by phone, e-mail, social media or snail mail — and helpfully suggest you aim these solidarity shots at people in countries our leaders consider future enemy combatants. These folks should know we’re also way too busy working jobs and having families and friends to march off and murder anyone over the difference between, say, state-regulated capitalism and a more purely socialist model. But we’ve always got a spare minute to share a kind word.
See also: The Locals — Mainers who make an effort to be friendly, patient and helpful to every tourist they encounter even though we secretly wish they weren’t here blocking the sidewalks and standing right in Gritty’s freakin’ doorway like an idiot.
DJ psyops
It’s become so ubiquitous that we hardly notice it, yet just like fresh air and sunshine, it always makes us feel better. The answer to this riddle is soul music, one of our most powerful forces that’s already conquered vast swaths of mental territory.
Soul music took over airwaves in the Western World half a century ago and has made major inroads East, as well. I’m talkin’ about the pure stuff, hits by prophets like Marvin, Mavis, Curtis and Aretha, but there’s plenty more where that came from and our hit factories pump out fresh funk daily. This is, by popular demand, the music of the masses, wafting at low volume through supermarkets and dentist offices worldwide, whispering far-left messages of universal peace and harmony into our ears, often causing us to unconsciously hum along.
DJ psyops is the practice of playing these songs at gatherings like corporate events and holiday parties, wedding receptions where Republicans are invited and NRA conventions in accordance with the directive of funk guru George Clinton, who sagely advised: “Free your ass and your mind will follow.” Dig the “DJ psyops Tippers Mix” on Spotify (curated by The Soul Proprietor, a.k.a. yours truly) for danceable examples, and by all means, make your own peace playlists, roll down the windows and blast them jams far and wide.
See also the Appeal to Stevland movement and feel free to pull out and display the free flag in this issue’s centerfold. Appeal to Stevland (better known as Stevie Wonder, an official United Nations Messenger of Peace) was created to counter the apocalyptic Christian-fascist cult that flies the Appeal to Heaven banner with the pine tree on it, the one that looks suspiciously similar to the over-detailed tree design Mainers may adopt at the polls this month as our new state flag.
N-Peace-y’s
Like NPCs (non-player characters) in video games, these characters don’t appear important in your quest to free Zelda or beat the top boss or whatever, but they can help you in other ways. Whether surreptitiously coded into the game by programmers a la so-called Easter eggs or created by anonymous psyops agents in multiplayer online gaming worlds, N-Peace-y’s sap the Red Bull-fueled aggression of World of Warcraft warriors and their ilk by unexpectedly surrendering and forgiving them for their virtual violence.
Sports Ballers
Similar to N-Peace-y’s, these agents infiltrate live sporting events and unapologetically cheer for any player who scores or makes a good play, thus slyly eroding the us-versus-them attitudes prevalent in failed capitalist societies. It’s like Fantasy Football where you win every time an athlete displays notable skill and grace, because the outcome of the game is immaterial; it’s playing that matters. This tactic is especially effective during the Olympics and other international competitions, and it’s already widely practiced during tee-ball games and gymnastics meets between kids too innocent to give a shit about winning. See also: The Existential Cheerleaders, squads of renegade pom-pom–wielding women and men who storm sidelines and get crowds pumped just to be together in a park on a special day watching something exciting while day drinking and not working.
Chairlifters
Spies who always ski or snowboard solo, awaiting random opportunities to sit next to powerful political or business leaders (whose kids and spouses typically spurn them on the slopes) on the chairlift and indoctrinate them with small talk during the slow ride to the top, often with the aid of dank joints (e.g., “Yeah, I love this mountain, too. Hey, ever heard that song “Mountain Energei,” by The Fall? I think Mark was really sayin’ something there. Here, I’ll play it for ya on my phone right now. You’ll love it…”
Light Infantry
One of the most encouraging developments in the field of street propaganda psyops has been the use of images and video projected onto the sides of buildings to mock tyrants like Trump. The Light Infantry is already doing heroic work on humanity’s behalf and we look forward to the unchecked proliferation of these weapons of mass distraction.
Subs
Substitute teachers who slip mind-blowing facts and observations into otherwise boring lessons — especially on subjects like astronomy, biology, social studies and history — intended to subvert the dominant paradigm. Like, Ever notice how the millions of microbiological tasks necessary to keep you alive from one second to the next are performed for you without any conscious awareness of their work, almost like there’s a beneficent and unstoppable life force that’s actually captaining your earthly vessel? See also: Critical Race Theory, Judy Blume’s books, and pretty much every community college professor ever.
The New Mammal Army
A good dog or cute cat can charm the heart and calm the temper of even the most brutal despot, so it’s to the world’s advantage to get pets into the lairs of as many brutes and bullies as possible. Baby Seal Team 6 and the delightfully playful Dolphin Delta Force handle the naval side of these operations.
* As the tagline continues, “… Prove us wrong!”
** “American creating deepfakes targeting Harris works with Russian intel, documents show,” The Washington Post, Oct. 23, 2024
