The Paul LePage Pop Quiz
Many of you did very well on last month’s Susan Collins Quote Quiz. As a fond farewell to the governor, let’s see how you do on the Paul LePage Pop Quiz!
According to Paul LePage, Maine is:
1. “a place where people of all backgrounds are welcome.”
2. “a state of constant euphoria.”
3. “the only state in the United States of America that charges sales tax on bull semen. You hear that? Bull semen.”
Of the University of Maine at Presque Isle’s wind turbine, LePage said:
1. “It was Daniel Halladay, a fellow New Englander, who first began harvesting wind power in these United States. That was 1854. Now it’s 2013 and it’s high time we got in on the craze! Hahaha!”
2. “Wind, solar power, these are infinite sources of energy. We’d be fools not to take advantage of such gifts!”
3. “Guess what, if it’s not blowing wind outside and they have somebody visiting the campus, they have a little electric motor that turns the blades. I’m serious.”
What three names did Paul LePage claim belonged to drug dealers menacing Maine?
1. Ricky Fitts, Frank White and Drexl Spivey.
2. Purdue, Johnson & Johnson.
3. Shifty, Smoothie and D-Money.
Now it’s time to fill in the black — uh, I mean blank!
Regarding those drug dealers, LePage said, “Incidentally, half the time they ___ before they leave [the state]”
1. take a tour of Maine’s majestic coastline
2. don’t even bother to take a tour of Maine’s majestic coastline
3. impregnate a young, white girl
“You shoot at the enemy. You try to identify the enemy and the enemy right now, the overwhelming majority of people coming in, are ___.”
1. spiders. They are actual spiders in human costumes. Millions and millions crawl into clothes. They fill up pants and shirts and they pile up into human form as we’ve seen so many times before.
2. not really the enemy. We fools are the enemy. We fools allow false concepts like scarcity and power to strip us of our compassion. For far too long we’ve used these false concepts to create structures that separate us into arbitrary groups, each differing in social value, as though one life could be worth more than another. It’s foolish and it’s destructive and I say no more! As the great Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King famously said, we must build a nation where people ‘will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.’ Maine must set this example. Maine must be a state that recognizes the inherent racism all around us, the racism that plays a part not only in our individual relationships, but also in all of our systems, including the economy. Yes, even our economy, and not just our local economy. We must acknowledge how our local economy engages with the national economy, and the international economy. Only then can we begin to create systems that untangle this wicked web that strips us of our compassion. We must bring not only equality, but equity to all, and I say we start in Maine! That’s why, on Monday, I will introduce my Mainers for All bill. This legislation, a cross between the earned income tax credit, affirmative action and the Alaska Permanent Fund, will begin by lifting all Mainers out of poverty. All of us! Mainers for all!
3. people of color or people of Hispanic origin.
“___ come up the highway and kill Mainers. You ought to look into that.”
1. I don’t believe in science. My fragile ego keeps me from learning. I don’t know anything about the real world or government or anything useful. I mean, have you ever heard me talk about addiction? The opioid crisis? My dumb ass has blocked treatment programs, wasted time, wasted money, and my actions and inactions have cost lives. It’s as though my own hubris could just
2. You ever hear the story of Rawhead and Bloody Bones? Well, basically they’re swamp zombies. And they’re totally real. Long story short, I made a bad deal on some wetlands down in Florida. I screwed a lot of people over and now Rawhead and Bloody Bones are probably gonna
3. Black people
Paul LePage’s hero, Andrew Jackson:
1. Was so dumb he helped bring on a seven-year-long recession.
2. Owned hundreds of slaves and censored northern abolitionists.
3. Committed genocide.
4. All of the above.
Samuel James is an internationally renowned bluesman and storyteller, as well as a locally known filmmaker. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.