by “Tackle Box” Billy Kelley

Saltwater farming

Hey folks! It’s nice to be back after my short hiatus. A minor infection was all it was this time. I’m back on track now, by Jingo!

In my last column, I wrote a lot about the decimation of our waterfront, what with the last bait-and-tackle shop moving off the peninsula. Well, after a long, long think, I’ve got to say that maybe things might not be quite as dismal as I made it sound.

As we all know, fishing policy was pretty simple for centuries: there’s the ocean, go get the fish! That’s changed in the last few decades, but there’s also been a change in direction. I say the number one way to keep the waterfront alive is aquaculture. I think farming the ocean is the key to money-making on the waterfront these days.

I wonder why fish farms seem to be so much more productive in places other than Maine. Hell, we got nice water! A little chilly, of course, but real clean and nutritional. Gee willikers, look at all the species that come here to visit! I really do believe now is the time for us to look into the idea of raising fish. We probably have the talent for this scheme already. If the University of Maine teamed up with local fishermen and chipped in some seed money, who knows where it could lead? I could be back on the Maine State Pier fishing my heart away. Plus, farmed fish induces the wild fellas to greatly increase in value.

Let’s also not forget the ocean foliage. The Japanese have been eating seaweed for millennia, and we’ve been harvesting rockweed for some time now, using it as an additive, a derivative, medicine — you name it. I got a real strong feeling there’s many more uses to be discovered. Come on, you grads, undergrads, brainy mothers — let’s get to it! And I’m thinking plankton’s got potential, too. Even the tiniest things in the sea have much value.

Another thought I had: Whatever happened to desalinization? I don’t hear much about it at all lately, but boy, if ever there was a time we needed fresh water, this is surely it. For a while it was a huge, promising development. Can you imagine a world where every person everywhere is provided with an adequate water supply? Damn, let’s get to it! ’Specially for them poor folks in Puerto Rico right now.

Then there’s other possible money-makers, like the capital T: Tourism. I’m very sorry to say this to you folks that don’t care for folks “from away,” but boy, that’s where the money’s at. This ain’t really my cup of tea, but I can think of a few ideas to lure ’em in. I’d bet my bottom dollar a lot of visitors would just love to see how a fishing boat works, and a real lobster-boat trip would be the highlight of anyone’s visit. The fishermen make a few bucks, the tourists are happy — everyone wins!

And how about the fact we’re the closest deep-water American port to Europe? Let’s get out the word on that, OK, folks? It seems to me that alone must be worth a few bucks, right?

Hey, we live in the bestest city in the USA, and if people work together, put their dough in the right place, things could be just swell. And to the boys and girls in Augusta — please, for the love of Jesus, stay the fuck out of things! Instead of chopping us off at the knees, try and think about progress. Think of how to help out all the poor folks getting kicked in the nuts by the lack of seafood.

I’ve seen them Asian, African and European factory ships scooping up all the fish, and I don’t believe we’ll ever fully recover from that. But I truly believe we can uncover more secrets of the ocean and discover new ways to make money, like with new medicines. We need more serious research. You with me, kids? We’ve been nailed before and we’ll get nailed again, but if anyone can roll with the punches, it’s us. And it ain’t over till it’s over.