 I like breakfast. I mean, I really like breakfast. Sitting down to a big plate of eggs and bacon, lingering over my third cup of coffee while leisurely finishing off my second waffle… nirvana. But let’s be honest. How often does it happen like that, especially during the work week? I have a day job, for Christ’s sake! There’s nothing “leisurely” about my pre-work routine. More often than not, I’m grabbing my travel mug and whatever food I can carry in one hand on my way out the door. |
So began my quest for the best one-handed breakfast in Portland.
Many months ago, I put out a call to Bollard readers for suggestions and compiled a list of their top recommendations. (Note: fast food joints, though convenient, did not make the list. I was not surprised.) Then, accompanied by ace photographer and fellow breakfast enthusiast Zack Bowen, my wife and young daughter, and three other friends, we made the rounds to a half dozen cafés, bakeries and markets. The following week, I circled back with wife and kid in tow to hit four more places. Overall, we sampled 18 sandwiches, burritos and wraps, and an unhealthy number of pastries and doughnuts.
First up were the breakfast sandwiches. Some were fancier than others, but most were basically some form of bread with egg, cheese and meat — perfectly edible, but barely better than a McMuffin.
Casco Variety (94 Commercial St.; 773-4299) uses a fluffy potato roll. This earned mixed reviews — from “tasty” and “easy to hold onto,” to “too weird, and just plain wrong.” And depending on the taster, their bacon was “excellent, thin and super-crisp” or “burnt and overdone.” Casco’s ham version was more universally embraced, but the greasy, salty sausage tasted “like a heart attack.”
Ari’s East End Market (formerly Fasulo’s; 122 Washington Ave.; 828-0051) and Fresh Approach (155 Brackett St.; 774-7250) make breakfast sandwiches on the more traditional English muffin. Ari’s “greasy and chewy” bacon-and-egg sandwich wasn’t much different than its fast-food counterparts, and Fresh Approach’s was no better. Wild Burrito (574 Congress St.; 761-1600) sold us an inedible sandwich — charred sausage, burnt muffin — that was unceremoniously dumped in the trash.
In the basic-breakfast-sandwich category, Punky’s (186 Brighton Ave.; 773-8885) narrowly edged out the competition. Served either on an egg roll or (for a small up-charge) a bagel, their sandwiches were well prepared and not too greasy.
Bagel sandwiches are a specialty at OhNo! Café (87 Brackett St.; 774-0773). Compared to the two or three bucks we paid elsewhere, their prices are high ($4-$5.50), but sometimes it’s worth paying a premium. The Number Five (hanger steak, cheddar and egg on a bialy) was tender and flavorful, though some in our group found it a bit too heavy for breakfast. The Number Four (smoked salmon, cream cheese, spinach and red onion on a bialy) tasted almost healthy compared to the rest of the sandwiches we sampled — admittedly a low standard — though not so much as to detract from the enjoyment.
But the best option here, and the hands-down winner overall, was the aptly named Number One. With its near-perfect combination of egg, maple-glazed prosciutto, cheddar cheese and Tabasco on a bagel, this sandwich is the best in Portland by a country mile.
Our gold standard set, we turned to The Works Bakery Café (15 Temple St.; 775-6398). I’d heard good things about this regional franchise, but can’t, in good conscience, repeat most of the things said after we tried their food. Their egg, spinach and cheese bagel sandwich was summed up most succinctly by my friend Ern: “That was awful.” After refreshing our palates with a cinnamon roll from Fresh Approach (pretty good, but too large to qualify as a one-handed breakfast), we turned to our other selection from The Works.
I should have been warned by the all-too-cutesy name, but I ignored my inner alarm system and bit into the “Huevos Hamcheros Wrap” anyway. It was, without a doubt, the nastiest thing I’ve had in years. Slimy, salty, reminiscent of a Hot Pocket, and laced with — well, they called it “salsa” — this abomination made even our iron-stomached photographer cringe in disgust.
Wild Burrito’s breakfast burrito was slightly better, but the vinegary, mediocre salsa dominated all other flavors and rendered the whole thing messy and nearly impossible to eat (hint: try it sans salsa). Punky’s breakfast wrap (just egg, cheese and meat) was better, but still not as good as their standard breakfast sandwich. It was rather bland, and it’s hard to add pepper or hot sauce without dismantling the whole thing.
As a category, burritos/wraps are not the ideal choice if you’re limited to one hand. The possible exception, and the best among the cylindrical sandwiches, came from Market Street Eats (36 Market St.; 773-3135). Prices here are higher ($4.50-$5.75), but their sandwiches are somewhat larger, as well. My daughter especially loved “The Simple” – two eggs, cheese and meat – declaring the thin, crisp bacon “the best ever” before adding an insightful “yum.” Having by now consumed enough fatty breakfast meat to fell a rhinoceros, I opted for “The Natural” (two eggs with melted havarti, avocado, tomato and onion). It was excellent.
With their low grease content and pita/lavash-style flatbread wrappers, MSE’s wraps were the most conducive to one-handed consumption. And if you let the staff know you’ll be eating on the run, they’ll wrap it, uncut, in a peel-able layer of wax paper, rather than halving it first.
Breakfast pastries are the best option when you want a carb fix and you’re not even trying to pretend it’s going to be good for you. We started with a ham-and-cheese croissant from Standard Baking Company (75 Commercial St.; 773-2112). Though the pastry was terrifically buttery and flaky, and there was plenty of Swiss cheese, it was almost comically skimpy on the ham. Standard’s Asiago cheese roll proved dry and disappointing, but the sweet, sticky morning bun was so good that I found myself going back for a second piece.
Another favorite pastry was decidedly lower-brow but no less delicious: the glazed molasses doughnut from Tony’s Donuts (9 Bolton St.; 772-2727). It’s cheap, too — you can have a dozen for the price of one OhNo! sandwich. (But please don’t. I don’t want the blood — or at least the elevated cholesterol — on my hands.)
So what did we learn? Standard Baking and Tony’s Donuts are worth going out of your way for a once-in-a-while treat. For a breakfast sandwich or wrap, only OhNo! Café and Market Street Eats are worth making a special trip. Punky’s is a decent second-tier option, but you should call ahead if you’re in a hurry — on both my trips there, a basic breakfast sandwich took over 15 minutes to make. A few of the other places were acceptable, but generally speaking not worth the calories and the heartburn. In those cases, you’re better off waking up a few minutes early so you have time to eat with both hands.
— Dan Zarin
