photos/Chris Busby
Hanna and Her Hot Hippie Sister
By Jason Wilkins
It seldom happens that an impecunious grad student like myself is pursued by not one, but two ardent suitors. They began to battle for my loyalty on Valentine’s Day – what better time?
One of my pursuers was called Hannaford, my familiar procuress of viands and potables. Good old familiar Hannaford and I had settled into a long-term relationship that bordered on a rut. I kept her in greenbacks, she slipped me the egg noodles, we didn’t think much about it. After all, where else could I have gone to satisfy my needs? Surely not Wild Oats! Like a high-class call girl, Wild Oats kept up a glossy appearance by keeping its selection small and its prices high. I’d long ago learned that he who sows Wild Oats reaps only a dearth of dough.
Then last month, on the day dedicated to hearts and flowers, Whole Foods came to Portland like a hottie socialite with a PhD in social work. Like many others, I gaped at her cans, stacked ever so high. Oh, Whole Foods, with your ripe and artful displays of edible plenty! And oh, the organic virtue that you wore upon your sleeve!
Hannaford saw that I was smitten and went a little nuts. It redecorated, making an effort to look more spiffy and more righteous. “I care about your health!” cried Hannaford. “Have you forgotten that star-based nutrition system I devised for you? I’ll give you tote bags, coupons, discounts… please, just don’t leave me!”
All this attention was flattering, and I basked in it for a trice, filling my tote bags with plenty of on-sale edibles at both emporia. Yet soon a sinking bank balance commanded me: You must choose. But how? Was it better to stick with the dowdy old familiar, or succumb to the charms of the newcomer?
There was only one way to proceed. I had to do the math.
I made a list of the items I purchase on a regular basis – nothing fancy, no cage-free squab or essence of persimmon – then made a pricing visit to each store. Clerks glanced askance as I pushed an empty cart through the aisles, purchasing nothing while scribbling figures into a tiny notebook. (Perhaps the clerks at Hannaford thought I was spying for Whole Foods, and vice versa.)
A short walk home, a few clicks of the calculator, and a clear winner emerged: Hannaford’s prices were nearly 20 percent lower than Whole Foods’. Whoa! I’d never have known – the glamour and vast selection at the Food Hole had distracted me from the bottom line. (Just as Wild Oats had done before – no wonder Whole Foods just swallowed it up!) Now, one might argue that the viands from the new store in town just taste 20 percent better, but I really don’t think so. And on my budget, that’s a good thing.
Thus, I have renewed my affection for the dependable (if less alluring) contender for my attention, the suitor who has been there for me throughout all these years – that is, until the farmers’ markets come back to town. If there’s one thing this experience has taught me, it’s that one would be a fool not to play the field. Keep those coupons coming, Hannaford!
Price Comparison
Tomatoes
Whole Foods: 1.98 /lb.
Hannaford: 1.98 /lb.
Baby Spinach
Whole Foods: .50 /lb.
Hannaford: .50 /lb.
Raspberries
Whole Foods: 4.98
Hannaford: 3.49
Onions
Whole Foods: 1.29 /lb.
Hannaford: .75 /lb.
Garlic
Whole Foods: 2.98 /lb.
Hannaford: 2.69 /lb.
Carrots
Whole Foods: .98 /lb.
Hannaford: .80 /lb.
Chicken Breasts
Whole Foods: 5.69 /lb.
Hannaford: 3.29 /lb.
Chicken Sausage
Whole Foods: 5.99
Hannaford: 4.49
Milk
Whole Foods: 1.29
Hannaford: 1.39
Butter
Whole Foods: 3.49
Hannaford: 2.50
Yoghurt
Whole Foods: 3.99
Hannaford: 3.62
Canned Diced Tomatoes
Whole Foods: 2.19
Hannaford: 2.59
Basmati Rice
Whole Foods: 1.99 /lb.
Hannaford: 1.89 /lb.
Granola
Whole Foods: 2.99 /lb.
Hannaford: 3.69 /lb.
Heavy Cream
Whole Foods: 3.19
Hannaford: 2.89
Chocolate
Whole Foods: 3.69
Hannaford: 2.49
Eggs
Whole Foods: 2.59
Hannaford: 2.69
TOTALS
Whole Foods: $49.80
Hannaford: $41.74
Jason Wilkins is a writer and musician living in Portland.
