Is the N.S.A. spying on Portlanders?


illustration/Corey Pandolph
illustration/Corey Pandolph

Is the N.S.A. spying on Portlanders? 

Recent reports that the National Security Agency may or may not be snooping through the phone records of millions of Americans who may or may not be “innocent” of terrorism and treason have caused concern. 

In response, The Bollard may or may not have filed a Freedom of Information request with the N.S.A., and may or may not have received these snippets of conversation flagged by N.S.A. screeners listening in on phone calls originating from Portland, Maine. 

These snippets may indicate that the N.S.A.’s hypothetical domestic spying program is an essential defensive weapon in the global war on terror. On the other hand, they may not. You be the judge.

— Chris Busby

Dude, we got bombed at Oasis last Friday. 

Yo, this new mix is da bomb! When it hits ‘RED, it’s gonna blow up, homes!

Did you hear Anthrax is coming to the Civic Center?

Yes, this is Shawn Loura.

United 93 blew.

Okbari’s killer.

He don’t come down here no more since Annie took the place ova’. You might find him up the hill at the bunka’.

I’m not going back to MECA this fall. 

I thought I checked off the box saying I don’t want to be contacted by military recruiters.

I was standing, like, right next to her in homeroom, so I heard it all, and she said everything but the “under God” part. 

Fnord hit the side of my building last night.

I loaded it with Cat Stevens before the flight.

Order a couple more Car Bombs. We’ll get a taxi.

Libra is planning to demolish the Public Market. 

The God Clock says it’s almost midnight.

Take Congress down.

Call my cell when you’re ready to blow. 

You fucking asshole. I thought I told you not to call me. Are you as stupid as I think you are?