Gut girls
Gut girls. Catchy nickname, ain’t it? Please keep it in mind as I’ll be coming back to it eventually. But first let me keep my solemn promise to answer all your questions. Imagine that: a fisherman that’s actually keeping his word. There’s one for the books, mateys.
Oddly enough, so many of you ask if what I write is real. Come on. I couldn’t make this up if I tried, and why would I? See, to me, all trips to the harbor are a great event. I do treasure these experiences and I’ve really met some good folks in doing this. Next…
Are these girls that accompany you as pretty as you claim? Well, no. They’re nicer. Now just come check it out, dudes! Next…
How much do they pay you for this? I cannot believe how much I’m asked this. I don’t even dignify this question with an answer. Talk about ignorant! I mean, do I ask you how much your salary is? Next…
Why not ice fishing? Actually a good question. There’s a couple of reasons I don’t. First, I hate the cold! I’m just too old to head out onto the ice in the middle of these brutal winters just to basically freeze my ass off for really not much catch. My pal John up in a place called Morrill, Maine, has got a nice shack with a stove and everything, but it just don’t seem worth it to me.
And yes, there are some smelts down the wharf in winter, but Jesus, you’re down on the pier, the temp is 23 degrees out and it feel like 23 below zero, and the wind and the wet — well, they do combine to make a mighty uncomfortable time for a guy my age. Plus, as I know I’ve said before ad nauseam, you just can’t catch ’em like you used to. You’re lucky to get even half a dozen fish anymore — can’t even feed you and your gal with that. Next…
Profanity. Well, it’s like this, I guess: Chris pretty much leaves it up to my discretion to say whatever I need to say. And I’ll tell you right now: there is only one way in the world to describe an ugly bird that shits on your head, and that is a no-good fucking seagull. Get my drift on this? Next…
Why the moniker “Tackle Box” Billy? Well, I’d actually rather not answer that one right now, OK? But don’t it seem to fit pretty good? Next…
How’d you get started on this gig? Well, I know I’ve mentioned this before. Me and Chris were drinking in a bar on a raw winter day and he came up with the idea and gave me the opportunity to do this column. Nice day for me. Next…
Why not be writing about other things? What, say golf? Yawn. A lot of folks have suggested hunting — a very reasonable suggestion, particularly in this big old state of Maine. I guess they think if I can easily murder a fish, why not a bear, or maybe a deer, or maybe even a moose! Heck, nothing like the sight of moose innards splattered all over the forest, hey! Jeez, I could hang a big ol’ moose rack on my apartment wall. Oh, my landlord would just love that! I could show it off to my pals and say, Boy did he come down hard. I had to follow his blood trail all across the county before he finally dropped.
I guess you see where this is going. I like pictures better, myself. I know there’s a need for people to plug deer and such. I guess they’ll starve themselves if we don’t shoot ’em (or murder them, as my pal Michelle calls it). But I’ll let someone else do the dirty work for now.
Now I’ve basically answered the most-asked questions of me, so I’d very much like to answer the questions I wish you would ask.
Number one: What do you think is the future of the Portland waterfront?
I’ve no idea. As a young lad, what we’d do is play this silly game of bouncing a basketball as hard as possible and then count the number of times it bounced to see who had won the contest. Nobody ever really won because we’d end up arguing over who went first, who bounced it the best, who did this, who did that, whatever. Kind of makes me think of the Portland waterfront — just a lot of people bouncing away, not seeming to have any direction at all.
I do realize the waterfront — and mostly the Maine State Pier — needs some sort of dead reckoning (how they used to steer the ships in the olden days). Got to happen. Need folks with more vision than I’ve seen. Next…
What would you like to see happen to the Portland waterfront? Ain’t that a doozey? I definitely do not pretend to know the future, but I do have some ideas that would be kind of fun. Sitting down the trestle fishin’ away, I’ve given some thought to different things that could amount to good ideas.
Between the old trestle and Tukey’s Bridge is a small bit of coast with much potential, I do believe. If nothing else it’d make a heck of a dog park. Actually, it already is somewhat. Just make an access from the road and, heck, you don’t even have to make a fence. It was actually a boatyard at one time. Seems like it could be used for something good now too.
And on the other side of the trestle the train runs. They should have a “fishing train.” Hop on board, get off, do some fishing, Back on board, folks! How’d you do? Fun, huh?
And silly as it sounds, I swear you could harness the tidal power of Back Cove coming through Tukey’s Bridge. Use the power to make a T-bar for people skiing down over the Eastern Prom.
And what about Fort Gorges? Probably the best real estate on the eastern seaboard. Ever been there? No, probably not. There’s nothing to dock to. If nothing else, let DiMillo’s make a damn casino, but use it!
Now, back to gut girls. In olden days that’s what they used to call the girls cleaning fish the fishermen caught. Why am I telling you this? To bring to your attention, girls, that you have always been the backbone of the whole fishing industry, and yet I don’t hear you nearly loud enough. Come on, ladies, let’s get with the program, make yourselves heard! I know you have much more to say, and it is your city, your harbor, also.
Now, these are just a few ideas I’ve thought of. Perhaps they’re somewhat silly. Maybe not. Let’s see what you folks can come up with. I think Portland has the potential to be a real Ocean Gateway if more people would use their vision and imagination to make it come true. I say, me and Chris can’t be the only people in Portland with a sense of sight, can we?
Thank you. Talk to you later, perhaps.
